In the fall of 2003, Anthony and I were engaged and both working for a Christian organization. We loved our jobs, but during that season there was one person who seemed determined to cause problems. She spread lies behind our backs, tried to get us in trouble, and even turned some people against us. It often felt like her mission was to make our lives miserable, and at one point she even tried to get us fired.
Looking back, I can see that much of her behavior came from a place of jealousy and bitterness. She had been through a lot herself, and unfortunately her pain spilled over onto others. At the time, though, all I felt was hurt. It was a very stressful season, and it took me years to move past the wounds it left behind.
I have gone to church all my life. I attended Christian schools for six out of twelve grades, went to a Christian college, and later worked at a Christian ministry for several years. I met many wonderful people, but at some point in all of these places, I was also hurt by someone.
We have all been hurt, but when it comes from another Christian, it can feel even more painful. Some people say they are Christians, but their actions tell a different story. Other times we hold our brothers and sisters to impossibly high standards and forget that they are human, just like us. The hurt feels even heavier when it comes from those in leadership.
We want others to act like Jesus, yet how many times have we ourselves fallen short? None of us can measure up to His perfection. Only Jesus is without fault. That is why His grace is so necessary for all of us. We fall down, we get up, and sometimes what we need most from each other is grace. We also need to forgive. Forgiveness is never easy, but it is vital to our healing and to our walk with Christ.
.Most of the time, all we can see is our own hurt. I will never deny the pain that comes with these experiences. It is real, and it can eat away at us if we let it. Sometimes the pain is so loud that we cannot see the brokenness of the one who hurt us. In those moments, we may not even care about their pain.
That is why forgiveness takes grace. It is not something we can do in our own strength, but only with the Lord’s help. I was deeply hurt by someone many years ago, and I wrestled with it for a long time. Whenever that person came to mind, I made the choice to say, “you are forgiven.” They never knew I was doing it, but I was determined not to let bitterness take root in me.
Now, when I think of that person, I feel compassion instead of anger. I don’t want to be friends, and I have not forgotten what they did, but I no longer carry the weight of it. I have moved past it, and I am free from the feelings that once held me down.
What’s Your Story?
Have you been hurt by another Christian? If you are reading this, chances are you have. Some people have even been wounded so deeply that they walked away from church altogether. If that is you, I want to leave you with a few thoughts to consider:
- The one who hurt you has likely been hurt too. Sometimes that pain began long before they ever met you. As the old saying goes, “hurt people hurt people.”
- Your relationship with Jesus is personal. It has never been about you and them. Hand Him your hurt and let Him carry it. He loves you and will never fail you.
- Forgiveness is not optional. God calls us to forgive, even when it feels impossible.
- Forgiveness does not always change your feelings right away. You may find yourself forgiving the same person again and again over the years. They may not even remember what they did, but you will know you are truly free when your heart releases the bitterness.
- True forgiveness shows itself when you can think of that person with compassion instead of anger.
We would love to hear your story. Feel free to share in the comments so we can pray for you, or if you would prefer, you can write me privately at barbra@gracegetsthelastword.com.
God bless you!
i am a christian but before i was saved i got picked on in school work and church and christian women made a fool out of me christian friends also turned against me i know i’m not perfect but sometimes when i think of those times it hurts 3 or 4 years ago i’ve othyer christians who also made a fool out of me then on facebook from long island to florida also did the same thing and i also got hurt when christian meet me they already want another guy and to drop me like a hot potato they make it like it’s the first time it happened to me but that’s not true people have brought me down and never took me seriously i also was born into a musical family and play the drums at my church in Florida but next month he is retiring and they still don’t have a pastor yet some christian churches are very pickey anyway i don’t have a lot of friends very few i only kept in touch with a few of them most of these people are hippocrits and lyers i can’t figure it out why are people so mean to me bulling and won’t stop it it’s like being judged like a book by it’s cover when my mother was alive a couple of people from the choir bad mouthed me to my mother and used to put us in a fight that is not the way christians behave or act like that i need a lot of prays and for people to stop treating me thje way they do i never get a chance to speak until now so that is my story and i remember when my brother and sister in law came to visit us and a guy i knew from church had the nerve to telll me that thgere are other chirches to go to i said to him my brother and sister in law came to visit me and he backed down like a coward then these christians acted like people from school who would acted like they didn’t know me which was another lie that hapened again and people would just bad mouth me to make me look bad i hope one day i see a big improvement in my life like maybe getting married to the right christian women who won’t make a fool out of me so anyway please keep me in your prayers thank you God bless you
David, 2021 seems like a long time ago, but your personal account on being hurt by other christians really touched me, and I have prayed for you. Like yourself (and many others I’m convinced) the hurt inflicted by other christians can be difficult to overcome. I don’t know why so many christians are so good at inflicting hurt, whether intentionally or not ~ it shouldn’t be that way at all if we take the words of Christ Jesus to heart and LOVE one another and esteem others higher than ourselves. I think of Ephesians 6 where it describes that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against principalities and dark forces at work, and long ago I came to realize that it’s not just unbelievers this Scripture is referring to, but other christians too. For me personally, I have had to come back, time and time again to a basic biblical truth found in God’s Word, and that is that it truly doesn’t matter what mere man may do to hurt me, whether physically or emotionally because it’s in Jesus that I find my worth. This has helped me to humble myself to mistreatment (so difficult because my flesh rises up in indignation and wants justice and retribution against those whose hurtful actions against us seem intentional and cause deep hurt). Can God can use it to grow and mature my faith in Him? Yes, I truly believe that, so Lord, thank you that you DO care for your children, and thank you that all these hurts can be cast at the foot of the Cross so that God’s Peace & Grace may once again prevail in our lives.